Before this morning, many of us had no idea who Kevin Harvick was. But you’d better believe we know who he is now and we’re calling him the patron saint of Mondays. Why? Because Harvick, who’s a racecar driver, finished in the top 10 of a NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race, and that means we’re all getting a free Bloomin’ Onion from Outback. Prayer hands emoji. Prayer hands emoji. Prayer hands emoji.
According to WRAL (a reputable news source which is absolutely not sending you on a wild goose chase of disappointment), you can strut on up to any Outback near you, sit yourself down, and whisper the secret code word — BLOOMIN’ MONDAY — to your waiter to receive the calorific treat for free with any purchase. Even just a plain Coke. And if one onion isn’t good enough for you, then you’d better start making sacrifices to whatever god is in charge of NASCAR, because the restaurant most recommended by nine out of ten drop bears will be gifting the world with free deep-fried onions every time Harvick finishes in the top ten.
Of course, since Outback won’t be taking your name and number with your order, you could also take this opportunity — it is Monday, after all, the worst day of the week — to take the rest of the afternoon off and make a tour of all the local Outbacks in your area, filling yourself up on onion and sauce until your case of the blues has been replaced by a crate of “oh lord Jesus, I can’t eat anymore.”
That’s just a suggestion, though. Your other option? Get a Bloomin’ Onion, share it with your friends and family (you really shouldn’t be eating this alone) and then set an alert for Harvick on your phone. Your arteries won’t thank you, but your tastebuds certainly will.